When I was 20 years old, I met a boy who I thought would one day be my husband. I thank God that he hurt me how he did. It was no doubt the most painful break up I ever went through, but it also taught me the most. It taught me that if something isn’t meant to be, it’s for a good reason. At the time, I hurt so much knowing that this boy didn’t love me like I loved him. I hurt knowing he chose different girls over me time and time again. I blamed myself: “I’m not good enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough.” I threw myself into destructive behavior, focusing on all the wrong things (I think I’ll save these details for a later date). I think I truly became the worst version of myself. I eventually moved states away to remove myself from him and the hurt, and it took me years to get over him. I am not proud of the person I was or the things I did, but that entire experience led me to understand one thing: I needed Jesus more than ever. I needed Him to carry me through because I could not do it alone. And He did. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Jesus says, "‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’" I was weak then. I still am! But through His unfailing grace, I am made strong.
Looking back on that relationship, I could have been the most perfect girl in the world (I know I was far from it), but that boy wasn’t who God intended for me. Neither were any of the others that came after him. Fast forward three years after my move to California and what do you know? I meet my future husband. I mean, come on! John 13:7 reads, “Jesus replied, ‘You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.’" Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” When we are deeply hurting and we can’t understand why things are the way they are, we can trust that our God is faithful, and He has a plan for us. He will NEVER leave us. Proverbs 3:5 reads, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding..." I felt like I had drifted so far from the Lord that He would never want me back. I was living in a dark and sinful place, but God welcomed me back with open arms. He took care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself, and He always will. He did it for me, and He can do it for you.